Top 10 tips for coaching difficult people
It has been said that there is no such thing as difficult
employees, only ineffective managers, but I've yet to meet anyone
who believes that's true. In the end, if people want to be
difficult that's their choice, but recognising that the way we
manage such people is part of the mix here's a selection of tried
and tested techniques:
- Look for the cause. We don't generally recruit
known cynics or troublemakers, so if someone is proving to be a
difficult employee, the first step might be to understand what has
happened in their view to cause this behaviour.
- Deal with performance not person. A great
trick, if you can pull it off and not easy in emotional situations,
but try to deal with what the person does rather than get tangled
up in the sort of person they are. The next tip will help.
- Be descriptive not evaluative. When giving
feedback, offer your observations of what actually happened and the
consequences rather than judging things as good, bad or otherwise.
People can't argue with the facts but they can argue against your
judgements.
- Don't comment on attitude. Attitude must be
the most subjective term used at work. Every one of us believes
that our own attitude is useful and appropriate or we would change
it, so telling someone they have the wrong attitude is pointless.
Describing what they did and the results that ensued will prove
much more productive.
- Deal with problems while they're small. If
someone does something that irritates you or upsets the team, the
time to deal with it is there and then. In fairness, people often
don't realise the effects of their actions and unless we point
things out, the unhelpful behaviour takes root.
- Don't take sides. If a member of your team
asks you to deal with a problem with another member of staff, say
that you'll look into it and get back to them. Don't agree that "X
is a real problem and we need to straighten him out". This could
come back to haunt you later on, and besides you'll gain more
respect from everyone by your professional approach.
- Deal with things in private. At some stage you
and your difficult employee are going to need to have a
conversation. This must absolutely be done in private if you're to
have any chance of getting back on an even keel. Many of the
previous tips are designed to help you avoid storing things up
until you lose your temper and blurt out your frustrations in front
of everybody.
- Consider the wider team. As Mr Spock used to
say in Star Trek, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the
few and of the one." When we have difficulties with one member of
staff it can be easy for them to soak up all our energy and
attention and neglect our other team members.
- Don't sweep problems under the carpet. There's
no point placing the problem person in some half-baked project role
or inventing some other non-job to get them out of the way. Small
businesses simply can't accommodate the costs of this tactic and
large organisations should think carefully about the messages this
sends.
- Be prepared to cut your losses. Robert Holden
says that "it's awful when people quit and go, but it's worse when
they quit and stay!" If somebody really refuses to change their
ways despite your best efforts, it may be better for both parties
to go their separate ways.
Coach, coach, coach.
On a more positive note, why not see if you can turn your
problem performers into your stars! Sit down with them and talk
about what's going on. Find out what the problems are and see what
can be done. See if you can discover new ways in which they might
contribute and even consider offering more responsibility further
down the line if things improve. I've met many "poachers turned
gamekeepers" in my time.
Matt Somers publishes his fortnightly Coaching Secrets
newsletter for leaders and managers, and anyone else who must
achieve results through people. If you need to help your people
manage change and improve motivation, get your free guidance now at
www.mattsomers.com